The Apprentice Is Back!

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I always get excited when a new series of The Apprentice starts on BBC One.

I mean, weeks upon weeks of catfights, egos, genuine tension in the boardroom, Lord Sugar’s putdowns, Karren looking bewildered at stupid decisions and Nick Hewer’s facial expressions.

But most of all, the thing I get excited about is THAT music!

So, as the first TV show I want to review/write about on this sparkly new blog, I thought this was the most apt an-

Wait!

Where’s the theme music?

😦

 OK, well despite the lack of ‘Most Grandiose Yet Spine-Tingling Television Introduction Theme Ever’ this new series started off well, with the amazingly stupidest, stupidly amazingest (amupidest? – add it to the Anderictionary) boasts right off the bat.

One -I don’t know names yet, I never do until week 5- happily claims to EVERYONE WATCHING they will cheat and manipulate to win, lucky for them its not a public vote. There’s more gems “I am one of the greats of this generation… (something about Napoleon) I will conquer!”, “Energy of a Duracell Rabbit and the sex appeal of Jessica Rabbit”. Blimey.

My favourite has to be the woman who claimed to be ‘half machine’ and can process things at the speed of light.

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Where’s Jedi Jim when you need him?

 This was Jaz, unlike many first week losers I think she’ll be remembered for actually doing jazz hands and according to Twitter looks a lot like Mel B. When it came to being Project Manager (which you should NEVER do on week 1, let alone throw yourself forward to do it) she could have done with a bit of scary. No one took her seriously and she didn’t have a great business plan. Her sub team did better, led by Leah – whose name I remember because she is Irish and as Nadine Coyle proves, the Irish do everything better.

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Fierce.

A lot of the episode was a bit standard: sales blunders, running around like headless chickens and slick editing to make it look pretty close between the two teams. And it actually was, Sir Alun (as he will forever be known) and co. revealed the difference was only £58 in the boardroom.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, because before the boardroom…

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Finally one of life’s greatest mysteries is getting closer to being solved. At first I thought the legendary Apprentice Secretary was a mannequin or elaborate BBC prop, or even controversial Series Three contestant Katie Hopkins actually having a job for Lord Sugar (Sir Alun) giving the already nervous contestants evil glares.

But now, to the boardroom!

Its a bit too early in the series to know everyone’s names, and also too early for the really venomous comments to come out but we had some great moments, the two that stick out for me most are:

  • Jaz trying to knock down Sophie (I’ve resorted to checking the website for names, if I’m going to write about the show I think its best to learn them sooner or later, although I shall try not to get too attached because they are all going to drop like flies) by pointing out the latter made no sales. LordAlun quickly responded with the fact Jazz sold absolutely zero as well. And then fired her. 
  • After the boys won, Tim went on some odd tangent about how he’s learned from his mistakes and will do better next time, prompting Alan of Amstrad to issue a priceless “you won…. you won… shut up.” In his defence it got him noticed, I hadn’t even noticed him speak all episode. All publicity is good publicity.

The standout star of the episode had to be Welsh man Alex.

But not in a good way.

Most of the Twittersphere, one of his fellow contestants and everyone on You’re Fired compared to him – not Freddie Mercury, sorry boyo – but Dracula. I’ve seen a few comparison pictures and Dara did show us a great mockup which I was going to post here BUT I stumbled across this:

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Put. DOWN.

I’m guessing he’s not going to be the winner this series.

But seriously though.

I mean, how can you be nasty about this face?

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Bless his cotton socks. Maybe I just like the underdog, or its because he’s a fellow Welshman. Saying that though, so far – my money’s on Nadin- Leah.

Thanks for reading my first television review/blog post, I hope it was mildly amusing. I’m sure these will get better, I’ve just kind of knocked it out instead of going to bed. If you have read this and would like to give me a few pointers on what works or what didn’t (or are looking for a weekly Apprentice reviewer…) then feel free to get in touch. 

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